Last weekend I was discussing our upcoming National Parks tour with Kurtis, my good friend from Church. As he sat and listened to me describe our plans, I saw his eyebrows raise slightly at various points during our conversation. When I finished, Kurtis looked at me and summed up his thougths in six clear words: “Sounds like the ultimate marriage test.” My initial reaction was a nervous laugh. I’m not sure Kurtis was joking.
Later that day, Kurtis’ words flashed back into my mind. “Sounds like the ultimate marriage test.” Joking or not, these words gave me pause as I considered what Beth and I were about to do, or should I say, about to attempt. On the one hand, we have been married for almost 41 years, and by now I would hope our marriage is on strong enough ground to survive a cross country escapade. On the other hand, we’re not 25, 35, or 45 anymore, and at our current ages (60+), the rigors of tent camping across the country and back could strain a good and solid relationship. Of course, time will tell. But I am confident that both Beth and I will be starting out and arriving home together in the same vehicle and still married!
So what exactly does this “ultimate marriage test” look like? Let me fill you in on the details and then you can decide for yourself if we should be booking a few marital counseling sessions for the first few weeks after we return.
Housing/Accomodations – Part 1
As I have mentioned before, our plan is to visit 35 National Parks in the continental United States that we have not been to yet. If we can pull this off, we will have visited all but 3 parks (Biscayne, Dry Torgugas, and Isle Royale, which will have to wait for another day). The total length of the trip is approximately 12,000 miles, not counting for additional miles because I didn’t listen to Beth and missed a turn or two along the way. We will be on the road for 89 days straight, and we intend to tent camp each night. We will be outside for 3 months with no roof over our heads. I don’t consider a tent rain fly a real roof. While my friend Kurtis reminded me that there would be no shame if we stayed in a hotel a night or two, I’m frugal. If I can sleep in a National Park campground for on average $17 a night (I have the Senior Annual Park Pass, which scores us a 50% discount on camping fees), why would I want to pay $100 for a single night in a hotel? Sure, we haven’t slept in a tent for longer than a 10 day period, and that back in 2021 when we tent camped in the Asheville area, but what’s 79 more nights? A lot, when you think of it. We do have an inflatable queen size air mattress and, while it may not be the Ritz Carlton, at least we won’t be sleeping on the ground. I’m shooting for 8 hours of sleep a night. I may have to settle for considerably less, depending on whether its suffocating hot or freezing cold. I hope we can pass this first part of the test.
Food/Meals – Part 2
Many of our friends have asked us what we are going to do for meals. Food is part two of the test. Sure, we could take the easy way out, that being to eat all of our meals at restaurants, but as I told you above, I’m frugal. Why would I pay for 89 breaksfasts, lunches, and dinners in a restaurant when we can prepare much healthier and less costly meals on our trusty two burner Coleman propane stove, complete with wind guard? I guess I should say when Beth can prepare our meals. I’m no cook, even on a modern Whirlpool convection oven so cooking will be her responsibility. Also, 3 months straight of restaurant food can’t be good for the human body. Granted, while we will be walking up to 10 miles a day as we explore our beautiful national parks, I don’t think we could burn off the calories that we would be consuming. We have prepared a good menu, rotating between chicken, fish, pork, and beef based meals, with plenty of fresh vegetables and fruits. Who knows, since we will be celebrating our 41st wedding anniversay in June, perhaps Beth will get the night off and I’ll spring for a nice dinner to celebrate. I believe we will pass this part of the test.
Personal Hygiene – Part 3
Perhaps the most disconcerting part of the test is personal hygiene, or should I say lack of personal hygiene. While the campgrounds for our first four stops are all equipped with hot showers, we will then go for quite some time (at least several weeks) before we have the luxury of a hot shower available to us. In the absence of man-made cleansing alternatives, we may have to rely on either our 5 gallon camp shower (it looks like a big, black hot water bottle that is filled with water and hung in a tree to warm in the sun), or swimming/bathing in a natural water source like a creek, river or lake to get clean. Clean being relative here. I can see it now, Beth and I rinsing off in the Rio Grande River after a tough day of hiking. I don’t know about you, but I like to start my day with a hot shower. I realize that this may not always be possible on our trip, so I am already psyching myself up to manage without one. We can only hope that we will have enough opportunities to rinse off a day’s worth of dust along the way so our time together in the car and tent doesn’t become unbearable. Of all of the ultimate marriage test parts, this one has me the most worried.
All the Time Together – Part 4
I guess maybe personal hygiene shouldn’t be the biggest concern of our marriage test. The bigger question may be – can we spend 24 hours a day for 89 straight days together and still survive? When I realize that in over 40 years of marriage, I worked full-time for all of them, meaning I saw Beth for an hour in the morning and then four 4 or 5 hours in the evening, plus weekends, things are different now that I am retired. We have the blessing of being together 24/7. Of course, we don’t spend 24 hours a day together everyday, we can and do things separately. But on this trip, it will literally be the two of us together non-stop. No one can be in an upbeat and positive mood all the time. It’s inevitable that conflicts will arise during 3 months on the road in all kinds of conditions. We will have to acknowledge this and move on if we are to pass this part of the test. While we certainly ask for your prayers for our safe travels will you also pray that we are able to get along well throughout our trip? That would be appreciated. I have a high degree of confidence that we will be just fine.
You may have additional parts to the ultimate marriage test. The four I have discussed are what came to my mind. A passing score on a 4 part test is 3 of 4, or 75%. We have room to miss one, so we don’t have to be perfect. I’ll take 75%. I like those odds.
My friend Kurtis had a great suggestion for us. He kiddingly said we should ask our readers for their predictions on how long we would last on the trip. Again, my first response was a nervous laugh. I hope we make it the whole way. Although we will probably be done camping for a while after this trip, we hope to encourage you to take your own trip even though it may put your marriage to the test.